plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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