a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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