I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Is Oprah even human
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize