even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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