my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
