I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
