My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
