i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
