some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
