then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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