Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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