I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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