Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
