I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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