Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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