I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
