One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
