Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize