took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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