fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
