I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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