Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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