This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
