Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize