we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
