I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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