Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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