Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
