So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
