you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
