He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
