The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize