my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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