you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
