i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
