Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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