if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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