hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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