the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize