3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize