I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
