Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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