do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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