So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
