woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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