I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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