at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize