He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
