I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
