I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize