They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
