I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
