I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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