South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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