Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
