She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
