I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
