Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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