he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Sober January is a disaster.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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