where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
