They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
you had me at cake vodka
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
