Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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