Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
