I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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