I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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