So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize