so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
