I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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