This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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