You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
