i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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