I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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