shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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