So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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