I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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