you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
