3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
