do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
