You're completely useless in the revolution.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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