I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
