DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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