i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
