Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize