Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
