Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
