So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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