So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
