i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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