he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
