so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
