tell your sister to shave her snatch
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize