i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My pussy is not your playground.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm too high and old for this...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
