I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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