i think my tv is drunk
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
