I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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