he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
