The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We have started to decorate penises.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My vagina is very pro this idea
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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