You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
