my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize