apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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