Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
