I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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