people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
