i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
