Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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