Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I would fuck him just for his dog
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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