I think I died a long time ago.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
